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  • Christine

Darkness Descends Then The Sun Comes Out

Sadness, low energy, and copious tears are symptoms of depression.
Tears and sadness.

I have been in a mixed episode for eight months. Hours, days, or weeks of hypomania/mania and then hours, days, or weeks of depression. I may have had a couple of weeks of a stable mood, days sprinkled in here and there. Most recently I have experienced the darkest of depressions. My psychiatrist and a therapist suggested that I attend an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). My doc said something has to change. At this point, we have tried several different medication combos and I have not been able to achieve long-term stability. It took me several weeks to come to accept that I need a lot more help than I am currently getting which is one hour of therapy a week and one hour with my psychiatrist once a month. My ego and pride don't want to believe that I need to surrender to the idea of attending an IOP.

Just as the sun rises there is hope that my mood will rise too.
The sun always rises on tomorrow.

After sitting with the idea for a little while and having more conversations about it with my psychiatrist and therapist I have finally come to terms with the idea that I need to step up my recovery and try something new, the IOP. Once I had accepted the need for help and surrendered to the idea, my mood shifted. Today I am feeling stable. It is a sharp juxtaposition from the raging depression I was dealing with yesterday. I have also come to understand that while I am living with bipolar, mood shifts can range from subtle to chaotic and severe. The sun rose today and so did my mood. This too shall pass. And the only way out is through.

Take good care,


Hey You! Don't give up. Okay?

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